As salam alekum wa ruhmutAllahi wa wa barkatu
When I was17 my doctor put a four inch needle in to my spine. My life hasn't been the same since.
I was bed ridden and it messed up my schooling royally. She intentionally took out more spinal fluid than was necassary, thus creating a vaccum which sucked my brain down into my spinal column. As you can imagine that wasn't too fun. i still suffer fro random bouts of vertigo, migrains and blurry vision as a result of this procedure. May Allah forgive her >.<
The question is, what is left for me to do? Do I curse her out, ask Allah to bring some harm to her? Sulk about my grades and the resulting depression and suicidal thoughts? Or do I accept this as the Hikim(Wisdom) of Allah?
I'm sure many of you have had much worse happen to you. And let me tell you when you bottle things up and you harbour them for years, you can certainly move mountains with your misery. I've seen parents ruin the lives of their children, or spouses because they can't get over childhood baggage, because they are too comfortable clinging to their sadness, their emptiness.
Lets all try and look onto the bright side of things. For all the internalized pain and the razor blades and crazy stuff, there was good. I rose the way a seed does from the ground. At first there's no visible light but you keep trying, and one day you are a blossoming flower ready to provide pollen for bees. Well guys wake up and smell the pollen!
My experiences have helped me help others and I'm so greatful for that. It made me learn more about myself and the world. Something I could only have learned from getting down and dirty, getting deep down into my soul. As for the sickness, it relieves me of sins from the past and I consider it a blessing from Allah. What could be better than getting rid of sins right?
I repeat!
WAKE UP AND SMELL THE POLLEN
Or sit and move mountains in a dark shell within yourself, and never gain any satisfaction.
4 comments:
SubhanAllah @ your experience. You have so much of courage, Sis. I know where you get this from; fortunately, your mother is just as courageous. A bunch of amazing Sisters, MashaAllah. May Allah (swt) ease your pain and make it easier upon you, InshaAllah. Ameeen.
I so totally agree with you on this. What's there to disagree? I believe every ounce of pain is just a check away from finding wisdom, and learning through experiences which may cause such pains. You learn how to cope, and in turn, you get to share your experiences with others and hope that they learn from your pain, mistakes, and regrets. This is just the cycle of life, and how it keeps spinning over and over again. There was this scholar (I don't remember his name), and he put it very eloquently; he said that life is nothing but a bunch of still moving pictures -- a short film, and it looks like it's on replay. Just every little moment, a character changes, and the scenario probably gets tougher. This is God (SWT) testing us. So, Alhamdulillah, your post is very wise, and to the point. I wish more people would wake up and smell the pollen, coffee, fruit juice, or whatever makes their eyes pry open and realize "WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING?!"
AMEN@ mistaks
LOL! fruit juice?
Your life is kind of depressing. May Allah(swt) grant you patience and the best in this life and the hereafter.
now thats what I would think of I wanted to stay in misery. I love my life alhemdulilah
Post a Comment