Stupid Cultural Baggage About Marriage

As salam alekum wa ruhmutAllahi wa barakrtu.

Sigh. Cultural baggage. Something that pisses me off. Esp. when it comes to the topic of marriage. As yo probably know I'm going to be talking from the perseptive of a second gernation arab kid raied in the West.

I hate every single way that arabs perceive marriage, an I can't believe this jahiliah exsists till this day! Muhammad pbh came to free us from this!

I will start with the example that inspired this. As you guys may have read in my previous post "Moving Mountains With Your Misery" I have not been well, and still have exsisting vertigo issues. Meaning I get DIZZY. Even when the vertigo isn't bothering me I'm super clumsy lol. Swear sometimes I feel blond,cause I will be walking and just fall over lol. I also have the tendancy to knock over and drop things randomly. (surprisingly enough, never when I'm cooking haha alhemdulilah). Anyways, my mother always feels the need to pipe in when I have my clutsy episodes." What are you going to do when you are married?." " OMG Noura what WILL YOUR HUSBAND SAY WHEN YOU DO THIS?!" As if it's even something that I can control. So this week I decided to respond by saying, "Well then he can divorce me for falling over every now and then." To which she responded, " Well then great! You won't be a girl anymore and we won't be able to get you married again!"

Sigh there's a few things wrong with that response. For one it implies that she thinks this is a justifiable reason for someone to get divorced :S. Second being that divorced women are like chickens that stop laying eggs; it's off to the slaughter house for you hun. I wouldn't wanna be married to someone that didn't understand my condition, or to someone who wouldn't accept someone who wasn't a virgin. This is NOT the sunnah of Islam, so why does it matter? Countless times in the time of salaf men were encouraged to marry widows and the divorced. Sigh. 

The other thing I resent is how my mother pressures my sister to get married. But not because it is Islams sunnah to get married early on, but because she won't be able to get a 30 yr old married -_-. Dear lord. She also doesn't wanna consider that shes finishing her schooling, and maybe she doesn't feel comfortable with her state in iman (that's mostly my problem actually). These are serious things that one should consider. And on the topic of schooling. NOTHING TICKS ME OFF MORE(!) than when a man says, ok we should get married, BUT I want you to stay at home and work because that is your place,and what Allah made you for >.<

Omg I just wanna stab someone when I hear that! WOMEN WORKED AT THE TIME OF THE SALAF! ARRRRRRRRRRRRG! And I perfectly understand that if you plan to have kids, girl you should be at home with them. But that shouldn't stop a women from getting an education or a job. It's VITAL these days. What if something happens to your husband? What if he's a donkey and divorces you for falling over sometimes? What if he falls ill and you have lots of hospital bills? It's something you have to be prepared for. After 30 yrs my mother was kicked to the curb with 3 kids, and it happens a lot. OR what about the countless women that stay in the abusive relationships because they wonder how to feed the kids. Arg. 

And now when we come to the idea of marriage for me. My mom always tells me I have to loose weight. Not for my health, or the sake of genetics, or cause it's not sunnah, no she says this because I will only find a "fat" man, because I'm "fat". Seriously? Looks are a huge factor I'm aware, but I'm not Frankenstein. And I have been proposed to by plenty of "thin" people so we can throw that theory out the window.

Another thing that pisses me off is when people pity my mother because shes divorced!!! My God. Shes HAPPIER! HEALTHIER! SAFER! FREER! And that goes for her kids too. If we had the chance again we still would have left that terrible household. It's especially entertaining when women who I know suffer at home because their husbands beat them to a pulp come up to my mom in the masjid and randomly bring up a divorce that was 12 years ago, and express their "sympathies". Enjoy getting your face punched in hun. Live for the duniah and what people will say about you. May Allah guide us :(. 

AN ANOTHER THING. I hate how parents get all nervous when a convert asks to marry their child. Either it is blatant racism or they fear that the couple won't get along due to "cultural differences". This is so stupid man. WE DON'T HAVE SUCH A THING IN ISLAM. ISLAM IS OUR "CULTURE". IF WE LIVE BY THE DEEN THEN WE ARE BLESSED! Sigh.You shouldn't judge by how someone was raised, but by his/her salat. If they fast, if they do tahajud salat, whatever you think is important. Cause I could get married to an arab today and get an idiot who lives on welfare. When there's plenty of white and brown and black brothers out there practicing Islam properly.

PLEASE GUYS! When you get married consider these things first.

1. Are you mentally mature.

2. Are you financially ready.

3. Obviously are you physically mature.

4. IS YOUR IMAN STABLE! Have you chose a basic path to follow? Because that cause a lot of issues when you decide later and maybe you find out your spouse is a shi'ah or something. Also yo can't make sound and just decisions when you have no iman!

AND PLEASE GUYS. WHEN YOU THINK YOU HAVE FOUND THE RIGHT PERSON. MAKE ISTIKHARA, AND ASK ALLAH FOR GUIDENCE!!!! DO THIS BEFORE YOU DECIDE YOU ARE DEDICATED TO THIS PERSON. Remember Johna pbh who left the city without consulting Allah. He ended up in a whale guys. For you want your marriage to be a whale? I don't think so.

Proceed with knowledge and understanding my beloved brothers and sisters <3>