Forgivness

As salam alekum wa ruhmutAllahi wa wa barkatu

Something dawned on me the other day; listening to my mother and father talk on speaker phone. For those of you how don't know me, there's a lot of history there. My father is certainly a character, and has probably done things that some people can't even fathom, and yet, my mother forgives him.

When he's sick she makes him food and has us send it over, even though when she was suffering from kidney stones and counldn't move he laughed at her, put up his feet and continued watching tv. Sometimes she just sends him food just for the sake of it in fact. She also lent him money to get a car a few years back when he came back from Jordan, even though he has still deprives her of her divorce rights to the wealth. She invited my little sister into our home, fed her, took care of her, played with her, took her to that cool playground in McDonalds. Even though after 11 years of separation my father has barely helped her raise the three children he abandoned. She prays for his health and worries about him when hes upset, even though he beat her to a pulp multiple times. She often pleads his case and tells us to be patient when we are upset after visiting him because he's driven us nuts for the past few hours. I don't think she has even reminded us intentionally of something he had done, just to maintain a good picture of him in our minds, although that can be hard. Even though when I visit him he still is complaining about rusted tuna cans from 25 years ago, and how that ruined the marriage. Psht. 

She is truly a REMARKABLE woman. I can't even imagine where she musters such strength from. She is a broken woman tobegin with, due tothe after affects of being told shes worthless for 30 years. And yet she rises like a phoenix from the fire, leaving the ashes behind. Above all else this is the character trait I wish to inherit. 

When someone takes your rights away it's never easy to take yourself down from the anger ladder, in fact it tends to increase exponentially. It's hard to close your eyes for those six seconds and burrow all that hate somewhere else.

But let me tell you it's freeing. There's nothing more remarkable than God's gifts, and this is truly one of them. Next time you wanna curse someone out for all they are worth, remember Allah is watching.

He knows exactly how you feel, and how unbelievably hard it is, and don't think you will go unrewarded. If freedom alone of not having hate in your heart doesn't get you, then the kindness you give to that person will. But don't get me twisted, often times they don't deserve it. BUT THIS IS NOT WHY YOU DO IT. You do it for the sake of Allah, you do it because maybe one day it will dawn on them that they have done wrong. I'm not saying that you should be a pushover and not defend yourself, and take your rights, but do so with patience with kindness, and leave everything to Allah when it's just not working out. 

Back to the phone call. He was crying because things are getting rough. Life's catching up with him, he's getting older, and Allah is testing him. He needs more help than he used to and hes pushed away almost everyone in sight. My mother and I remain. My brother and sister too but I don't blame them for keeping their distance, he's a hard man to handle. My point is, something shook in my heart to hear his voice quiver like that. How can I deny him help? Is he not still my father? And even if he wasn't, does he not hurt? Is he not human? 

Some might wonder how I could push aside the bad. But have you never wrong someone in your life? Have you ever wished for their forgiveness? Have you ever done something stupid and known it was the last straw, that you couldn't go back and fix it. I know I have. I have been tortured at times because I have hurt the ones I love, and above all the one who love me. Wouldn't it be just lovely if someone cut you some slack for once?

I'm not going to excuse anything that has happened, but we are all tempted by shytan, we all get a little over the top sometimes, and for some of us that lasts months and even years. The next time someone wants to turn over a new leaf don't shut them down. Calm your anger, forget your hurt, and remember the words of your Lord.

"The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allâh ordered the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly), then verily! he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend.

But none is granted it (the above quality) except those who are patient, and none is granted it except the owner of the great portion (of the happiness in the Hereafter i.e. Paradise and in this world of a high moral character)." (Qur'an 41:34-35)

My mother has been truly blessed in many ways, and Allah has brought Himself closer to her, because she listened to His call. Always remember Allah shows his Mercy upon those who are merciful. Never forget it :)